Tuesday, October 31, 2017

Happy Halloween/Happy Birthday 95 Theses Charlie Brown!

In honor of this very momentous occasion, I present my Halloween Costume.  Here's a close-up:

I'm not sure if the 47th one will shock you. This person ranked the theses, you can see if you agree. It seems pretty shocking if you've already bought an indulgence. So far, I haven't had any trouble with this costume, just trying to move, drink, and dance with it on. Luckily I haven't run into anyone dressed as Ignatius J. Reilly.

Sunday, October 15, 2017

I Wrote a Spoof

To the tune of "I Pity the Poor Immigrant"

I pity the poor president
Who wishes he would've stayed home
Who uses all his power to do evil
But in the end is always left so alone
That man whose tiny fingers cheats
And who lies with every breath
Who passionately hates his wife
And likewise, loves immigrants’ death

I pity the poor president
Who does nothing but complain
Whose chief enemy is poor ratings
Whose tweets are insane
Who rules but is not satisfied
Who fears and is never free
Who goes to fight with truth itself
And breaks the law with glee

I pity the poor president
Who drags us through the mud
Who steals and golfs while laughing
And who covers other lands in blood
Whose rule in the final end
Must shatter like the glass
I pity the poor president
When our judgment comes to pass

Saturday, October 14, 2017

The Real Reason Hillary Lost

Guys, pack it up. No more articles, books, or think pieces. This is the real deal:

It wasn't Comey and it wasn't Putin that stopped her. It was the ghost of Oliver Cromwell!At least I think it was Oliver and not that Cromwell.

Monday, September 11, 2017

The Ordinary Madness of Ben Nardolilli

Go to page 28 to read a poem of mine in Weasel Press' Ordinary Madness. You can read it on the website, or through ISSUU (or is it issuu?)

Sunday, August 27, 2017

Hot Park Ranger, the Summer's Last Hit

My sister made a music video for her song Hot Park Ranger. Give it a view and a listen. Then go visit one of America' natural parks, such as the Thomas Stone National Historic Site.

Sunday, August 20, 2017

Poems Dredged Up from May

It's not a protest, it's actually a close up of a Georges Seurat painting
Hey, I forgot to post a link to some poems I got published in Immix back in May. Well, it's only August so hopefully they haven't passed their expiration date yet.

Tuesday, August 1, 2017

New Poem in Neologism

New poem of mine in Neologism. Hopefully the formatting doesn't throw any of you off. If it does I can email you a copy to make heads or tails of what is going on.

Oh yeah, and you have to scroll to the bottom to read my work.

Tuesday, July 18, 2017

Big Windows on the World

A surrealist, post- or pre- or sub-apocalyptic vision is at store for you with my latest published poem, "Memorial Park," available for reading at Big Windows Review. I think it's the first poem I've linked to that involves sports. Hence the new label "sports," or as the rest of the world calls them, "tags."

Tomorrow night's there's a reading in my neighborhood, Ditmas Park. Okay, technically the read is in Kensington, but the spirit of the series is Ditmas Park. It's tomorrow at 8PM at Hinterlands (they have no website, so just Google it). Mermaid Witch Joanna C. Valente will be reading.

Tuesday, July 4, 2017

Raw Dog Press

Has published a poem of mine. They've already published it on some postcards and sent a few to me. So be on the look out for them on the subways or under your drink as a coaster.

Monday, July 3, 2017

Five Figures and a Deep Sea Diver

Surrealism seems to be gaining ground in the arts these days. Journals publishing surreal work are on the rise. Perhaps the current regime has something to do with it. One new journal is SurVision, edited by Anatoly Kudryavitsky. They have published two of my works. Read them and call me on your
lobster phone to let me know what you think.

Saturday, June 24, 2017

A New Poem! A New Poem!

Streetlight Press has brought another one of my works out for public consumption. Search for "Pedigree bash" on the page.

Monday, April 10, 2017

The Future Is Nice

I got a thing, you got a thing, everybody's got a thing...but not everybody's got a thing in Quail Bell. Enjoy a piece of hybrid absurdity that mixes the real and the unreal, the ethereal of the promise and the mundane of the product.

Tuesday, March 14, 2017

Owl's Brew Radler is Rad

I'm more of a coffee man than a tea man, but I'm more of a beer man than a coffee man, so when you mix beer and tea together, I'll give it a try. Frankly I've never had the combination before. Yes, I've had vodka and tea, and unidentified malt beverage and tea, but never true, brewed beer and tea. Thanks to the Owl's Brew company, I get to expand my taste horizons this way.

Up for review are two products from this fine business: That's My Jam and The Blondie. They both combine beer and tea to create different flavors, finely balancing bubbly and bitter, sweet and tangy. You might think the use of the Penny Farthing is an homage to the Prisoner. You may be right. But there's solid history behind it, because these kinds of beer, tea, and lemonade drinks were developed for thirsty bicyclists on the go. On the back of the can it reads "Do us a solid and fill in the blank: I drink @theowlsbrew when I____________." Well I guess based on my experience I can say that I drink the Owl's Brew when I watch David Lynch's Mullholland Drive. Owl's Brew Radler didn't exactly clear anything up but that's not a knock against it. Perhaps I should've drank Mezcal instead.

That's My Jam is better on first taste and if you're looking for just one can to drink at a time, I would recommend it over The Blondie. It's a sweet, fruity concoction, perfect for the warm spring days I'm sure we'll be having any day now. It combines Darjeeling and fruit peel, a little heavier than a pure cider.

The Blondie is the drink for those long Sunday afternoons trying to get through an inane conversation at a party. That's My Jam is too sweet to go down six times in a row. The Blondie though, is for any long-haul drinking you might have (but please drink responsibly etc.) It tastes more like a traditional shandy, less like a cider. It combines black tea and citrus juices. Which ones? It's a mystery! Perhaps the red finger lime, or even more exotic, an etrog. Hey, a drinker can dream, right?

The relatively lower alcohol content and the mix of flavors in these beers also means they can be used for cocktail purposes. The Owl's Brew also sells cocktail mixes, but these radlers work just fine. I tried them both with vodka, that universal solvent for unlocking the good and bad time out of everything. I found that the Blondie works better than the Jam. the Blondie covers the vodka and smooths it out.  The Jam gets frothy upon contact and it's pretty sweet after a while. Now sweet might, in fact, "be your jam." it certainly is my girlfriend's. She liked That's My Jam over The Blondie. Then again maybe its because she's The Brunette.

Both of these drinks are fine and if you're a tea enthusiast, I would recommend them both. The only thing I didn't like was the plastic used to hold the six packs together. To be fair, I got these drinks straight from the source. In the store it might be different. The plastic is hard to describe. It's orange and thick, almost like tiny Frisbees settling over each can. My girlfriend had trouble pulling the cans out because of it. The plastic is hard and it's loud when you try to snap a drink loose. If you're trying to hide your drinking from someone, I wouldn't recommend these beers. Or you can just wait until they leave and untangle the cans all at once.